12 more days...

It is true that time slows down....12 more days and we will be flying to Thailand! The past week has felt like a month to us as we anticipate our family changes. I have been trying to keep myself busy, I have been organizing like crazy each day only to find I have created another mess someplace else............AGGGHHHHH! So needless to say I feel like I am doing the same thing each day.......all while thinking I won't have much time for stuff like this after we get home.
I know daily life will change, and I am ready for it. Abby Liz has become so independent in her 5 3/4 years! Sometimes it seems like she is all grown up and doesn't need me as much anymore, which I know is not true...she just needs me in different ways.

It's hard not to think of our son ever minute. Wondering just what he is like. Is he ready for our family? Will he bond as quickly as our daughter did? Will they bond with each other? I know the answers are not there just yet........I know that we will handle it all as it comes to us. I am so ready for all of it!

Yesterday I spent a good amount of time in Shaun's room. It is so relaxing in there and I quickly found myself rocking a stuffed animal in the rocking chair. :) I just closed my eyes and thought of my boy, it was great! I could almost feel him with me, maybe he was in a deep sleep dreaming of this woman on the other side of the world rocking him, comforting him. I LOVED rocking Abby, watching her drift into sleep. I remember she used to put the palm of her hand on my cheek and keep it there......almost as if she needed to feel me. Or the way she use to stare at me eye to eye while she drank her entire bottle. Closeness that came to us fast.
I'd like to think it is because of the people Kevin and I are. That we were prepared enough, relaxed enough.....READY enough. I feel the same confidence now, although at times I do worry. It is harder having a child already........when you have to travel without them. I mostly worry about that. Will she be ok? YES, I tell myself, she will be ok! She will be with family that loves her, she is going to have a great time....truth is, I ask myself more if I am going to be ok? Will I be ok without Abby at my side? It's hard to explain the confidence SHE gives me, but she does! I will miss her terribly and think of her constantly, just as I think of the child of mine not with me now. Being a mom is hard, being a mom with kids on 2 opposite sides of the world is heart wrenching. I cannot wait for the day our children are both in the same place, in our arms, making our family sandwich!